so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
