You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
