My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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