i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
