To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
