I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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