After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When are your genitals available?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
