my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
