I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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