The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
