During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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