I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
