I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize