Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
