VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
