We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
