why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
