You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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