i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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