I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
