you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
