I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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