I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
