Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
