So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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