SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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