She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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