Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
