i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
