You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize