My Higher Power is John Stamos
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize