How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
