dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
