I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
