I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
