hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You smell like stripper and shame
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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