i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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