I want to walk on stilts...naked
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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