Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i dont even know how to be here
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize