and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize