pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
