I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
