Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
