I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
