As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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