you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
