I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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