So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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