she woke up with a sticky ear
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
