She is in my trunk
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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