No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
