I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
