do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
