yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
