there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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