my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
