I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
