He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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