I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
