Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We don't watch enough power rangers
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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