you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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