Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
