Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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