Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
