I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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