He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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