I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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