zippers are such a cool invention
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
