I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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