I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
