there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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