Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
