but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
