The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
