Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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