Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
